Shattered
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: Severide knows there is only one place he has to be after the tragic events - at Casey's side. No matter how long it takes he's not leaving. Based on some parts from eppy 1.22 Leaders Lead, Contains MAJOR spoilers (missing broment scene)


**Title: Shattered**

**Summary: **Severide knows there is only one place he has to be after the tragic events - at Casey's side. No matter how long it takes he's not leaving. Based on some parts from eppy 1.22 Leaders Lead, Contains MAJOR spoilers (missing broment scene)

**Disclaimer: **Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me if so then the ever yummy Lt. Casey would be all mine and we'd have a sweet broment every single eppy!

**A/N:** Okay I like Mills but come on really? It should have been Kelly comforting Matt in that moment! Grrrr. Okay deep breath *sigh* So I for the most part pushed past my sorrow (was a dang miracle) and hope this makes some sense and you all like it.

**Warning: Kleenex Alert (major bromancey angst)**

_Note: Words in "double quotes and italics taken from the eppy"_

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Shattered.

There was only one word to describe the scene…the mood….the feeling….his friend.

_Matt….oh god no….please god no…please let her be okay…please…._

Anyone coming down off a really big personal high will tell you in that moment you almost feel invincible and you want that feeling to just transcend to those around you so they'll feel the same elation as you. _"Tara's dropped the charges." _When he got the official word from Boden, Severide had offered an ear to ear grin, taking the high with him out of the room and going in search, first of Shay and then of Casey. Casey had offered a happy congratulations and then offered to buy the first round he if was available. Course he was. This was something to celebrate. That feeling was spreading. But it's amazing how destiny can shatter you and force you to realize just how vulnerable you really are for within seconds that personal high can come crashing to a near death low – especially when you see those around you suffering and there is nothing you can do to take away their pain.

_"Apartment fire…"_

_"That's the address of Hallie's clinic."_

He heard the tension in Casey's tone and of course was worried but figured that his friend's, girlfriend would be looking for a new place to work at best – at least temporarily. Nothing could have prepared him…or any of them for the human tragedy that was lurking; waiting to destroy someone he cares about.

_"There's a woman still inside…my partner went…she's in there…couldn't reach her…"_

_"HALLIE!"_

It's going to be okay, he had told himself, joining in Casey's frantic actions to get the cage door open and then gently removing her still and soot covered frame out of the raging inferno, outside into the fresh air and then onto the waiting stretcher bed. The look of utter desperation on Casey's face before the ambulance doors closed him away from their view told the whole story – something was wrong and none of them wanted to admit it just yet.

Shay had texted him on the way over that Casey was raw…unable to do anything but focus on the word 'breathe' and it pained her to hear the torment in his tone as he was begging for Hallie to come back to them. He didn't have to wait for the Chief's direction; he was the first one rushing behind Boden toward the Chief's truck before they are speeding toward the hospital; the rest of the teams to follow; being there to support one of their own in his moment of personal hell.

As soon as he had arrived at Emergency, he had rushed up to Shay and was told that Casey was in the waiting area but that personally things looked grim.

"This can't be," Severide muttered as he hurried toward Casey, wanting to tell him that everything would be okay but not in that moment having the right words that would ease his friend's inner pain. That pain, however, was about to increase.

As the teams slowly trickled in, Casey gradually withdrew into his own silent purgatory. He could only sit by and helplessly watch as Casey's pacing became shorter and more agitated. _Matt, she's going to be fine. She just got some smoke inhalation but it wasn't enough to…_his thoughts trailed off as he watched Casey pull away and hurry down the hall at a quick pace toward the waiting doctor to get an update on his girlfriend's status.

But none of them were quite prepared for what happened next. A deathly silence gripped him…gripped them all as destiny's cruel arm was extended to show them that life is too short and none of them can predict when personal happiness will be beset by personal tragedy.

_"Noooooooooo," Casey's voice wails in horrible shock._

_Matt no….oh god no…._

He watches Casey sink into the arms of the doctor, his anguished sobs audible for all to hear and forcing all in that moment to ache for the broken fire fighter. He didn't have to be told by Boden, didn't have to catch his glance to hear the one word, his name, offered in a deft whisper that prompted him to action. _Your brother needs you now…right now more than ever. Go to him._

Severide pushes past everyone and hurries toward Casey, gently transferring Casey's trembling frame from the doctor to his and just holding him close. He can't offer words of comfort for there are none in that moment that will ease his friend's pain. He hears Casey's whispered 'it can't be' over and over and wishes he could offer a lie to say Hallie's okay and he's just being overly dramatic. It wouldn't happen. She was gone. He holds Casey close to him, his left hand on his back and his right on the back of his head, not wanting to smother him but fearing that he'd collapse to the ground from emotional exhaustion.

One by one the team approaches and Severide is forced to step aside for a few moments so that all may offer their heartfelt condolences and support before he returns to his role of supporting Casey in his dire time of misery. Out of the corner of his eye, Severide watches the teams finally disperse one by one until its only Shay and Boden left standing a few meters away; then Casey finally pulls back.

"Hallie she…she might need…need something for the night…" Casey mumbles as he tries to pull away from Severide's comforting grasp, rubbing his watery eyes and not caring about staining them further with bits of soot from his dirty fingers.

"Matt," Severide whispers as he tries to get Casey to look back at him.

"Her purple…night coat…she uh…" his voice trails off, ending with a small sob as he looks back at Severide. "She can't be here without it."

He can only offer a defeated expression before he gently reaches out and pulls Casey back. "You have to wait."

"No she…she….she's gone isn't she?" Casey manages as he looks back at Severide; Severide's heart once again shattering as he watches a fresh single tear escape Casey's red rimmed sapphire pools and make a new trail through his soot stained cheeks.

"The doctors need to do…" Severide's voice trails off as Casey pulls away and heads toward the room at a determined pace.

"Kelly," Boden gently instructs, giving him verbal permission as it were to pursue Casey and bring him back outside until he was told he could go in.

"Let go Kelly!" Casey demands in misery as he looks at him with a fierce gaze.

"You can't go in yet."

"She needs…LET GO!"

"You can't go in yet," Severide repeats as Casey starts to shake his head in defeat, his eyes freshly watering as he asks why over and over and sinks back into Severide's strong grasp. "I got you," he whispers in sorrow. "Matt I'm so sorry….oh god I'm so sorry."

"She's gone Kelly," Casey chants in misery as he looks back at the room opening in anguish. "Why couldn't I save her?" He looks back in sorrow, his eyes freshly watering again.

"You…" is all Severide manages before the doctor comes back out and asks Casey if he'd like to see her one last time. Before he can even ask if he'd like company, Casey pulls away and disappears into the room; his miserable outburst forcing fresh tears to Severide's eyes once more.

"Take Casey home," Boden tells him in a kind tone as his hand rests on his shoulder. "Don't bring him back to the station tonight; he'll face that later. He needs to go home."

"I will."

"And Kelly. No matter what, make sure he's not alone tonight."

"Okay," Severide nods as he watches Boden take his leave and then looks at Shay in sorrow. "I'm gonna go to his place."

"You want me to bring you anything there?" She manages quietly after she pulls out of his embrace.

"No. I'll be okay until the morning," he replies quietly as he hears Casey's sobs and then looks at her in. "I…"

"I know. We'd all do just about anything to take away his pain. He needs you right now."

"I'll see you later."

"Bye."

Severide watches Shay take her leave and then takes a chance to pop his head into the room to see how Casey's faring. His heart plummets to a dull ache as he watches the doctor and nurse trying to gently pry Hallie's lifeless form out of Casey's grasp.

"Leave me alone Kelly!"

"Matt you have to…"

"GET AWAY!" He shouts; Severide offering the doctor and nurse a look of remorse. But they've been there and cannot fault the broken fire fighter for his moment of human misery. It's only when Casey's arms are too tired from his own bodily shaking to continue to hold onto Hallie that he finally lets go and Severide is able to pull him back.

"Tomorrow morning you can…"

"No..." Casey grumbles; his tone a mixture of sorrow and curses. But its only seconds later that his body starts to falter and Severide quickly steps in and grabs him by the waist before he can crumple to the ground in emotional agony. "Kelly…"

"We'll come back in the morning if you want," Severide promises; knowing inside that it would be only to help Casey with whatever burial arrangements he might want. But there would be no miracle for them tonight; no invisible hand to reach in and pull them back from their emotional hell; no silent savior swooping in to take them away to a place where pain and death do not exist.

"Is that all?" Severide asks on Casey's behalf; Casey's mind racing to shut down his body as it passes through various stages of numb denial and acceptance. "Come on," he whispers a few seconds later, gently ushering Casey out of the room and then walking him toward the back exit doors and then outside into the cool night air.

"Noooo," Casey pulls away as he takes a few steps toward the bushes and throws up from sheer physical agitation. Severide's hand rests protectively on Casey's back before he helps him stand upright and then walk toward the parking lot and into the back of a waiting cab. He gives the driver Casey's address as Casey sits numbly beside him staring out the window in misery.

Severide can only sit and watch in silence as Matt's eyes continue to flood; the driver in the front not daring to ask the two men, still clad in professional attire what their night had been like – a hellish ordeal was correctly suspected. His hand reaches into his pocket, fishing around for a Kleenex and then cursing when he comes away empty, Casey continuing to wipe his face with his hands and forcing it to darken once more.

"Thanks," Severide mumbles as they reach Casey's home and he pays the cabbie and then helps Casey out of the back and up the steps to his home.

"I failed tonight Kelly."

"Matt…"

"I FAILED!" Casey shouts in misery as he jerks his arm free of Severide's grasp and pulls back, glaring at him in anger. "I save….we took…I took this damn job to save people's lives and the one person…I love…I couldn't save," his voice breaks as both of their eyes offer fresh tears. "Why couldn't I save her?"

But as with moments earlier, there are no words to be spoken. What could he say? Casey hadn't failed but that would be little comfort right now. It wasn't his fault? That was also moot. It would be okay? Would it? Would it ever? One of the worst things in their profession was to end the day knowing you failed to save the one life that means the most to you. In Casey's mind he failed. Words couldn't appease that guilt or misery.

"Come inside," Severide tenderly entreats as he uses the spare key that Casey had given him when his mother was staying there and then helps usher him inside. Severide turns on the light and locks the door; Casey standing numbly in the entrance way looking lost and defeated. He looks over at Severide with a small frown, that same little lost boy pout that he usually jokes will make him do just about anything Casey asked; and his bottom lip quivering as he silently threatens to break down once more.

"Why?" Casey begs in torment. "Why couldn't I save her?"

"I don't know what to say," Severide replies mildly.

"WHY!" Casey demands in anger as he turns his liquid aggression toward his jacket, his fingers furiously trying to get his coat off but failing miserably.

"Here I got…"

"GET AWAY!" Casey shouts as he shoves Severide back; his arms automatically falling to his sides in defeat. "Why did she have to die? First Andy now...Hallie...I hate this! I can't...Kelly I can't...not again."

"Come here."

Severide merely purses his lips as Casey's eyes water once more. With a small head shake he pulls Casey into his arms once more and just holds him as Casey's sobs echo throughout the empty house; possibly escaping the windows and informing the neighbors that something tragic had indeed taken place.

It's only when Casey's sobs subside that he chances to pull back and frowns heavily before his fingers start on Casey's coat zipper and start to pull it open; his mind trying to remember when Casey had done it back up.

"You're gonna overheat. Let's get this off you and get you into the living room to just rest okay?"

Having absolutely nothing left inside, Casey doesn't put up much resistance when his arms are gently pulled from the coat and it's finally removed from his sweat-clad frame. He looks at Severide as his friend silently works on the suspender buttons for his pants and then helps him get out of his boots; leaving him only in his khaki's and tee. Casey knows in that moment the words would fail him in expressing his appreciation for Severide's genuine caring concern and close friendship; something especially treasured in his darkest hour. That moment of gratitude would come later.

But Severide wasn't there helping for the promise of a verbal or even monetary accolade; he was there because that's where he was needed most; at Casey's side ensuring that he wasn't alone and that he could do what he could to help Casey get through his personal trial. Their last names might be different as well as the blood type in their veins, but for everything else they were brothers – to the end. And when your brother calls; even silently, you answer.

"I'm okay," Casey manages, frowning at the lame choice of words that he offers; something he tells himself he wants to hear despite the fact it was furthest from the truth as possible.

"Let's get you cleaned up a little okay?"

Knowing that he wasn't about to offer food to Casey right now, Severide gently guides him toward the small downstairs bathroom, helping him ease down onto the toilet seat and then reaching for a small washcloth.

"Have to change the color."

"What?"

"Hallie's place is so…for resale right? The color it's…it's too dark," Casey offers in a somewhat perfunctory tone as he looks up at Severide in defeat. "I can't stay here now. Not now."

"Don't make any rash…"

"I can't!" Casey hisses in anger.

"Okay but right now, I'm just gonna clean off the soot stains okay?" Severide tells Casey as he dampens the cloth in warm water and then starts to gently scrub Casey's face before he could push anymore of the stinging substance into his puffy blue eyes. When he had removed most of the soot from Casey's face, he helps him stand up and turns on the cool water; Casey mechanically bending over and splashing his face with the cool soothing liquid, before standing back up and reaching for a towel to dry.

"Thanks…you can go now," Casey mutters as he pushes past Severide and reenters the quiet hallway, turning back to see Severide remain in place. "Did you hear me? I'll be okay now," Casey concludes with a hint of sharp anger in his tone.

"I'm not going anywhere tonight."

"I'll be okay."

"I know you're probably not hungry but if you are the…"

"LEAVE!"

"NO!" Severide shouts back, forcing Casey to slightly recoil.

"Why'd she have to die?" Casey hisses as he pulls away and moves a few feet further toward the kitchen and then comes to a complete stop once more. "Kelly…"

"Matt I….oh god I wish I had the right words to say but I don't," Severide offers in genuine remorse. "I wish I could take this pain away from you. It um…it hurts to see you like this. But I can't," Severide confesses as Casey turns back to him in sorrow. "I can't. She's gone and…and I'm sorry."

"She's…gone," Casey repeats as his eyes freshly water and his legs threaten to buckle. Severide quickly reaches in and once again wraps his arms around Casey's waist, this time helping him into the living room and down onto the couch. Severide eases in a few feet away; both sitting side by side in miserable silence.

"She's gone," Casey states again, his eyes fixed absently ahead on the wall.

"I'm sorry Matt…I'm truly sorry," Severide huffs; the small bits of personal jubilation he had felt earlier, seemed all but dissipated next to his friend's personal misery.

Casey only nods as he looks at Severide in torment. "I couldn't s…"

"No," Severide quickly interjects with a headshake. "None of this was your fault," he reminds him firmly as Casey's wide unblinking eyes look at him in suspect. "Okay? None of this. I'm sorry…I'm really sorry."

"She's gone," he whispers in torment once more as his body sags forward, his elbows resting on his knees as they sit in the darkened living room; only a small side table lamp providing some illumination on the otherwise darkened setting. Severide's hand tenderly strokes Casey's trembling back as Casey's lips offer defeated sobs. A few minutes later his body starts to heave and Severide gently pulls him back against the couch.

As he listens to Casey's soft cries his heart continues to shatter over and over. There are no words in that moment that he can offer that would take away Casey's pain and that hurts him more than he can admit. 'If you need anything….' 'I'm here for you…' 'Don't think about…' and on it went, his mind racing to find something…anything…even one simple word to ease Casey's emotional suffering. In that moment he had failed. There was no clever parlor trick he could fall back on to force Casey to even smile for a few seconds; the night belonged to misery – death's banner was the only one flying in the dark over the windy city.

"Just breathe," Severide whispers as Casey leans forward once more, his chest now starting to lightly heave; his body wanting to shut down for the night as it had now all but expended its energy and adrenaline.

"Just rest now," Severide instructs as he reaches for a small pillow, propping it up against his shoulder and encouraging Casey to just lean on him for however long he needed. At first Casey wants to protest, his quivering lips wanting to tell Severide to leave him alone and he'd be fine. But as he leans against the strong shoulder in the darkened dwelling, his mind would force his heart to feel comfort he didn't think possible after such a hellish experience.

No more words are spoken as the two sit side by side in the dark. Casey's at first troubled gasps and labored breathing finally slows to small bursts and then easing into a steady rhythm as his puffy eyes close and he's whisked away into the hellish realm of horrific personal nightmares. He'll find no comfort in the hours to follow; his body shutting down was due mostly to having nothing else left inside to ponder the other option of keeping him awake and not wanting to sleep for comfort or refreshment.

Severide looks at a picture of him and Casey taken at the Academy dinner and feels a small twinge of comfort starting to overtake him and in that moment offers a silent prayer for the strength to help Casey in the days to come and a promise to himself and to the man beside him, his brother, that no matter what and come what may, Casey would never have to face anything alone – ever.

"I'm sorry."

**THE END!**

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**A/N:** Okay so I hope it wasn't too depressing but I have been awake since 3am writing this b/c I can't sleep b/c am depressed (I really do hate death!) *sigh* so if it sucks please blame the muse lol poor Alice. But if it pulled at the heart strings even a little for our beloved Casey and our teamsexy in this tormented piece then it worked. Okay so please do review before you go and thanks so much!

**PS**: Frantic! will conclude next thanks


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